More Parliamentary quotes

If a seminal idea ever entered the mind of the honourable member, it would be a plain case of promiscuity.

I wish Senator …… would cease his prattle. If he has reached his second childhood he should not be demonstrating it in this place.

The Parliament is being diverted by sympathetic symphonies by Ministers who have an infinite capacity to fiddle interminably.

On a point of order! Can the Honourable member be forced to prove his stupid remarks?

They are private revolutionaries and public doormats.

The architect of this situation is the ……. Minister who has nothing more than a small toy to play with.
How do you know?

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Parliamentary quotes

Quotes from Parliament

Why can’t the Commonwealth pay medical costs in maternity cases?
Assisted passage?

I am entirely Celtic and I am not swayed by an appeal to my Anglo-Saxon blood of which I do not have any.

Has the population of this city increased by approximately 20,000 in the past 18 months?
That’s because all the workers go home for lunch.

He that throws mud loses ground.

Is that the same fellow who banned the pill?
Mr. Speaker! The honourable member has thrown me out of my rhythm.

I took the opportunity to travel over this road by road the other day.

 

Lexical wisdom (3)

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it’s just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she’d dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Lexical wisdom (2)

Matters lexical (2)

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I’d swear I’ve never met herbivore

I know a guy who’s addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

 

Lexical wisdom (1)

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

Quotes of quality (2)

“And now, will y’all stand and be recognized.”
– Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House, to a group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day
– George Gobel

“I cannot tell you how grateful I am — I am filled with humidity.”
– Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

“For most people, death comes at the end of their lives.”
– GLR broadcaster, UK

“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
– Greg Norman, Golfer

“Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, “Thank God, I’m still alive.” But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.”
– Barbara Boxer, Senator

“I don’t think the Republicans can damage my character.”
– Bill Clinton, former U.S. President