When quarrels and complaints arise, it is when people who are equal have not got equal shares, or vice versa (Aristotle)
The test of a man’s or woman’s breeding is how they behave in a quarrel (George Bernard Shaw)
Arguments are to be avoided: they are vulgar and often convincing (Oscar Wilde)
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons (Woody Allen, comedian)
Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex. You thought of nothing else if you didn’t have it, and thought of other things if you did (James Baldwin, novelist)
A man accustomed to think in millions – other people’s millions (Arnold Bennett, novelist)
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer (Dean Acheson, politician)
I think we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious. (Thomas Jefferson, US President)
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long past the time when the quo has lost its status. (Dr. L.J. Peter, Canadian educator)
(Source: The Chambers Book of Business Quotations)
We have read with particular repugnance the record of the alleged god Zeus, whose habit it was to assume the shape of swans, bulls, and other animals, and, thus disguised, to force his attentions upon defenceless females of good character.
(Somerset Maugham ‘A Writer’s Notebook’)
The Jews (William Norman Ewer ‘Week-End Book’)
But not so odd
As those who choose
A Jewish God,
But spurn the Jews. (Cecil Browne – reply to Ewer)
The lifelong trust he had placed in the wisdom and justice of an immortal, omnipotent, omniscient, humane, universal, anthropomorphic, English-speaking, Anglo-Saxon, pro-American God … had begun to waver.
(Joseph Heller ‘Catch-22’)
Sex is something I really don’t understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then break them right away.
(J.D. Salinger ‘The catcher in the rye’)
Nobody here (in England) talks about anything at all except buggary; it’s too extraordinary. Half the public wants it officially recognised and the other half wants burning alive, quartering, etc. etc. to be restored as the normal penalty.
(Nancy Mitford, letter)
Gomer Owen who kissed her once by the pig-sty when she wasn’t looking and never kissed her again although she was looking all the time.
(Dylan Thomas ‘Under Milk Wood’)
King David and King Solomon
Led merry, merry lives,
With many, many lady friends,
And many, many wives;
But when old age crept upon them —
With many, many qualms! —
King Solomon wrote the Proverbs
And King David wrote the Psalms.
(James Ball Naylor, ‘King David and King Solomon’)
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support
(John Buchan – H.E.Fosdick ‘On being a real person’)
The Revised Prayer Book: a sort of attempt to suppress burglary by legalising petty larceny
(Dean Inge ‘Geoffrey Madan’s Notebooks’)
From The Oxford Dictionary of Humorous Quotations
Ship stewards work a 32-hour week and 20 weeks annual leave.
Like the Senate?
I did not give a ruling that I did not give a ruling.
We could have pilots undergo a crash course of 3 months.
I raise a point of order Mr. Speaker. My point of order is that you have already ruled on the point of order, so the Honourable Member cannot take a point of order on a point of order that you have decided is not a point of order.
Do not confuse me.
What colour is New Zealand?
The Government has created a milk bar economy staffed by topless speculators.