Religious jokes (2)

Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 15 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 15 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria’s funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, “At last, they’re finally together.” Her sister sitting in the front row said, “Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?” The priest replied, “I mean her legs.”

 

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Jesus, Moses and an old man go golfing. The first one to tee off is Moses. He smashes the ball and it is heading right for the water hazard before the green. Moses raises his club, the water parts, and the ball makes it to the green. Jesus gets up to swing, cranks it out, and it is headed for the water hazard. Jesus closes his eyes and prays. The ball skips across the water and lands on the green two feet from the hole. The old man’s turn comes and he drives the ball. The ball looks like it is going to drop directly into the water. A fish jumps from the water hazard swallowing the ball, as an eagle drops from the sky, grabbing the fish. As the eagle flies over the green, a bolt of lightning strikes the eagle, making it drop the fish. As the fish hits the green, it spits out the ball and the ball falls into the hole, making a hole in one. Jesus looks at Moses and says, “I really think I’m leaving Dad at home next time!”

 

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Funny political one-liners

My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but won’t cross the street to vote.

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

I don’t approve of political jokes…I’ve seen too many of them get elected.

 

(From the Internet – ‘One line fun’)

Religious jokes

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. “Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.”

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. “Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!” The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise. “Ha, ha!” he says, “I’m the man from the bus!” “Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume, “I’m the bus driver!”

 

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On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, “I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'” and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting.

While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn’t work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”

“Great!” said the couple, “But we were just wondering, what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?” St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. “What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple. “OH, COME ON!,” St. Peter shouted, “It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it’ll take me to find a lawyer?”

 

Funny one-liners

How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

 

(From the Internet: ‘Funny puns one-liners’)

 

Presidential truths

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

Abraham Lincoln

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for 
a month.

Theodore Roosevelt

Give me a one-handed economist! 
All my 
economists say, “On the one hand …
on the other.”

Harry Truman

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of a national emergency—even if I’m in a Cabinet meeting.

—Ronald Reagan

Being president is like 
running a cemetery: You’ve got a lot of people under you, and nobody’s listening.

Bill Clinton

 

 

The relationship between the material and ethereal realms

Here is a commentary to a presentation on the RN ABC Radio program titled ‘The Posthuman,’ of 4 Dec. 2016

 “Nearly Normal Frederick :

07 Dec 2016 2:07:58pm

Modern quantum physics tells us that everything is light, that all of reality – every person, every object, every iota of space and time – is nothing but waves in an ocean of light.
But what quantum science does not tell us is that this light is not merely an impersonal force or a mass of energy but that it is Conscious, that it is alive. That everything is a modification of Conscious Light.

So called “matter” is therefore a stepped down modification of infinitely radiant Conscious Light. The “material” universe is thus a present expression of light. Matter is light; matter, or the total realm of nature, emanates presently from the Matrix of Light.

The physical universe is actually a speck floating in an indefinable Realm of Light-Energy.

Then what does this imply about our understanding and application of biochemistry, biophysics, human anatomy, human life, human culture?
What will we do when we take the discovery of the relationship between matter and energy (or light) seriously?

How do we make medicine out of the understanding that the human body is a complex system of energy? How do we practice ordinary diet, sexuality, and social relations on that basis. How do we bring this higher knowledge of quantum physics into the daily practice of ordinary people?”

My understanding of  Paramahansa Yogananda’s concept of the Cosmos is that is all light. Then there is the prevailing concept that all material existence in the Cosmos emanates from an ‘Ocean’ of Consciousness’; and that Consciousness is ever-existing, and permeates everything, both created and uncreated. Is quantum physics confirming Hinduism’s explanatory framework?

While human beings may or may not have any meaning (from vermin to modified chimp on its way to a higher level of Man with a spiritually-directed brain), the Cosmos seems a place worth investigating with our ‘third eyes.’