Australian jokes


What is the Australian animal that most resembles the Australian male? The wombat, because he eats, roots, and leaves.


Why do so many Australian men suffer premature ejaculation? Because they have to rush back to the pub to tell their mates what happened!


A Kiwi, an Englishman, and an Australian walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of bloody joke?”


How many Australian men does it take to change a light bulb? None. It’s a woman’s job.


Why do kangaroos hate rainy days? Because their children play inside.


What is the difference between an Australian wedding and an Australian funeral? One less drunk at the funeral


Why did the wombat cross the road? To see its flat mate


Why isn’t the Australian national football team allowed to own a dog? Because they can’t hold on to a lead.


What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo? A pouch potato!


What did the Australian do after raking the leaves? He fell out of the tree


Why wasn’t Jesus born in Australia? He couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin.


Australians don’t have sex, Australians mate