Groucho Marx quotes

“I find television very educating.
Every time somebody turns on the set,
I go into the other room and read a book.”

“Money will not make you happy,
and happy will not make you money”

“Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.”

“Yesterday is dead,
tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet.
I have just one day, today,
and I’m going to be happy in it.”

not events,
have the power
to make me happy or unhappy today.”

“Blessed are the cracked,
for they shall let in the light.”

“If a black cat crosses your path,
it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”

“If you’ve heard this story before,
don’t stop me,
because I’d like to hear it again.”