Clever insults

These insults do have a bite, don’t they? Regrettably, they are clever.

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.” – George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill•
“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second … if there is one.” – Winston Churchill, in response.•

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.” -Stephen Bishop•

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” – John Bright•

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.” -Irvin S. Cobb•

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” -Samuel Johnson•

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” – Paul Keating•

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.” -Charles, Count