The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes” .
I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do that second week.
When did it change from “We the people” to “screw the people” ?
Even duct tape can’t fix stupid … but it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?
At my age “Getting lucky” means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.
Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree … that makes it a plant which means … chocolate is Salad !!!
And, of course… Have I sent this to you already… or did you send this to me?