(As reported in the Huffington Post, 5 May 2015)
1) I went to see a mortgage adviser with my 7-year son. As I sat at the desk, my son sat down and said to the man, ‘Hello, I am not her husband.’
2) My 3-year-old daughter walks in on my husband using the bathroom and says, ‘Daddy, put that thing back in your pants.’
3) ‘C’mon, Elsa! Get it together.’ My almost 3-year-old said this to her doll who kept falling over.
4) My son walks up to me with his hands dangling under his chin, fingers spread out and wiggling around. Son: ‘Mom, like my beard of testicles?’ Me: ‘ … What? Beard of … What?’ Son: ‘My beard of testicles … I am an octopus!’ Me: TENTACLES, kiddo. They’re are called tentacles.’ Son: ‘Yeah, that’s what I meant.’